It is commonly believed that dating in Japan is easy for non-Asian particularly white men and hard for women. I came across a blog post by zoomingjapnmixed dating in japan German girl living in Japan, writing about dating in Japan as a foreigner. She expresses this view. Her story is interesting in itself but the most interesting part of the article is the huge number of comments gets — comments or about 30, words!
A lot of people who commented actually disagree with her. On the other hand, girls tend to agree with her. If you are in a foreign country with a completely different culture, it is logical that you might have a hard time dating. Dating often involves a lot of hidden rules and non-verbal cues. These are not the kind of thing you learn in your language textbooks. However, there are many people who are successful at dating in Japan.
Many people provided counter-examples in the comments. My personal experience also tells me that dating in Japan is completely feasible and a lot of my friends seem to be doing OK with dating here. Then the real question is this: He might be judging Japanese women based on his cultural values without taking into account the Japanese context. He might just not be compatible with the majority of Japanese girls. I am less judgemental now because I realise that I might simply have had a differently way of measuring maturity.
I have noticed that cute girls tend to be quite bad at approaching guys. In short, mixed dating in japan, they lack practice.
Where are you from? What do you do? Isabel, a German girl who has been living in Japan for about half a year, is a good example. She is studying computer science and surrounded by a lot of guys. Despite that, she is having difficulties with dating.
I made him a Bento, baked a cake for him and organized a super-fun birthday party for him a few weeks ago. Because it was his birthday I decided to go for a final attack and made a personal present for him. How I fell in love with him and about all the things I like about him. Every page had about 2 or 3 sentences in English and Japanese and a drawing. There was also one page with a drawing of his face. The book ended with telling him that I was still willing to date him even though he turned me down with this obvious excuse of working in the same team.
It might be obvious to many people but doing all this to a guy who is not interested and possibly not used to dealing with girls is not only ineffective but also counterproductive. It scared the hell out of him. I can easily guess what was going on in his mind. Hopefully it will stop as time goes by. Maybe we can just be friends? The ending was sad but predictable. But such an emotionally loaded gift would only work if he was already madly in love with her.
But, as someone who has supposedly more experience in dating, she should have realised that she was doing everything wrong. Some girls seem to figure out Japanese guys well. She mentions some interesting things.
They are generally not affectionate at least in publicthey are typically shy, and they work a lot. But, there are plenty out there that are interested. This is a minor detail but I believe paying attention to details eventually makes you very good at understanding a given culture.
Apparently, that was what she did. Figuring out subtle cultural cues is, of course, not always easy. A German guy talks about his German female friend who failed to understand signs from a Japanese guy. Some girls who think that guys are not interested in them simply fail to detect the signs coming from guys. I would advise girls to be gentle and not necessarily pursue the man of their interest, but make him do the first step. It worked out for me. Contrary to what people believe, Japanese people do express their feelings.
Japanese TV drama, films, novels and manga often depict silent expressions of love and gratitude. Needless to say, people have no problem understanding these subtle ways. Some Japanese people do prefer a more expressive communication style, and they tend to date non-Asian people. She does admit that she likes how Latino and Mediterranean men are warm, passionate, romantic and affectionate type of men, even more than other Westerners such as Americans or Nordic people.
She is getting what she believes is hard to get from Japanese guys from her Mexican boyfriend. I know a lot of people who are successfully dating Japanese guys and girls. Many of them have mixed parents or speak more than two languages. I found a similar tendency in the blog comments. I might just be cherry-picking examples. My personal experience is quite biased since I tend to make friends with culturally open people; most of the friends I have in Japan swin cash dating very open-minded as opposed to ethnocentric which, I believe, most of the people on earth are.
Let me know what you think. I have a similar impression. While there might be a few catchy introductions for dating sites who lower their guard for white guys, they remain a small percentage of the whole Japanese female population.
Most importantly, they are not necessarily the kind of girls you want to have a relationship with. Sure, I hear war stories: But a lot of western guys I know are not having a particularly easy time in Japan.
Dating in Japan can be a bit harder, compared to a more socially open country, because Japanese people tend to be reserved and cautious with strangers. If it feels harder to date in Japan, maybe it really is. From my experience, simplified workflows of dating western and Japanese women would be like this.
Mind you, there are many exceptions so this is by no means definite. I updated the workflow because the previous one seemed to have given the wrong impression of how I think one should approach women. Dating Japanese people requires a few extra steps. For example, some girls prefer hanging out in a group before going on a real date with you. I remember this girl I met at a party.
She was nice and rather cute so I asked her out a few days after. She replied by saying that she would prefer hanging out in a group with her friends first to get to know me. Fortunately, not all Japanese girls are like that, but I definitely feel that Japanese girls generally need more time.
People can be quite cautious of strangers here. This might be the reason why western-style online dating has never been really huge in Japan. Overall, you have a much better chance of meeting someone through your friends mixed dating in japan acquaintances than hitting on random people in public. In fact, there are many ways to meet people in Japan and it gets easier once you learn how. I know plenty of westerners and other foreigners in Japan who have good relationships with Japanese people, mixed dating in japan.
True Stories of Mixed Dating in Japan. If you've read this far, you should probably subscribe to my blog and follow me on twitter or Facebook. Like always, interesting and well written. But if I can agree the surface, I can't agree the bigger picture. Note that this is just an opinion, based on my experience, observation and the collection of other people's experience.
Japan is no exception. Let me explain my point. I am a strong disbeliever of any cultural explanations. I don't think Japan has a thing that make its people a different brand.
Being Japanese, or Chinese, or French, doesn't make a big difference. And fact are that dating is first and foremost the meeting of two creature with good communication or a common goal, in other word: So the problem of how hard it is to date is three folds: And then we can find most of the elements you've rightfully mentioned: It is not Japanese are shy, it is that acting bluntly will make them look like barbarians!
How deep such behavior is then interriorized depends on people… Sure it creates a barrier to those of more direct society. Or at least, some of them… But isn't the same in any hyper urban societies?
Japanese or not, in Japan or not. And overall, dating is like searching your lost home keys… They are always in the last who is felicia day dating you searched, by definition!
Many seemed to be interested in cultural differences and resulting problems in the relationship between a foreign woman and a Japanese man.
Instead I asked friends and fellow bloggers, who have had Japanese boyfriends or are even married to a Japanese man, to share their personal experience with us. It was an interesting journey and I want to thank all of the participants for taking the time to tell us about their own unique story.
I often hear girls who long for Asian boyfriends say that Western guys are dogs, and I can confidently say that Asian men are no different. Just like with any place you go, you have your good guys and your bad guys. Zia, I think we can all agree with that! These are the types of guys I feel we foreign girls encounter most. Amongst them, the good guys are hidden! Those that stand true to who they are seem to be the ones who find solid relationships.
For a long while, after the loss of someone I planned on spending my entire life with, I gave in to that stereotype and was unable to get involved in a serious relationship.
Zia is pointing out a few problems in her current relationship due to cultural differences: We come across a lot of problems. What we consider common sense is very different.
Jen has dated a couple of Japanese guys and is now married to one. She has experienced issues in her relationship because of cultural differences: This applied more in Japan than when we were in England, although now he seems completely okay with it.
Very touchy feely Japanese couples are definitely NOT the norm. My first Japanese boyfriend would go for weeks without contacting me because he was working late every day. Also, a general lack of e-mailing, phone calls etc. In the previous article we were already discussing the language issue that cross-cultural couples might have. My husband and I have a system where we swap languages every day — so today is an English day, and tomorrow is Japanese.
Obviously we change it according to the circumstances we are not going to speak in English to each other when out with a lot of Japanese friends! I think this is an important thing to sort out! Jen and her husband on vacation in Korea. If you are single like me, you probably wonder about how to approach a Japanese man. There is a good chance that he will like you too, and just not have imagined that you could possibly be interested in him.
A lot of Japanese men seem to have an inferiority complex many of my Japanese male friends have told me this , so they might not imagine that any non-Japanese woman would ever be interested in them. So if you like someone, go for it! River is a young American who has dated a few Japanese guys before marrying one of them. About her first Japanese boyfriend she says: At first I was happy about this, because I wanted to speak Japanese. However, the deeper things went, the more difficult it was to understand each other.
After dating a few Japanese guys she finally met her husband. They seem to have issues caused by cultural differences, but they were able to overcome some of them: We only spoke in Japanese with each other for a short time before he started to learn English, so he could communicate with me better.
I found the following statement interesting, because I heard a lot of Western girls with Japanese boyfriends or husbands saying the exact same thing: Alyse, a young American woman married to a Japanese man, notices the following cultural differences that sometimes cause problems in her relationship: And from these differences, the biggest one would be language. So for that part, a significant amount of patience might be necessary. The language barrier seems to be a real issue even when you try hard to understand each other.
However, Alyse mentions other problems as well: We knew that we would both be working, but when we first got married, Shota was under the impression that I would be making him lunch every morning, doing his laundry, and just taking care of the house as well as going to work full-time. Just like River, Alyse also notices cultural differences when it comes to responsibilities in the household.
The relationship between the mother-in-law and wife can be tenuous at best, and disastrous at its worse. I also asked Alyse if she has any advice for us single girls when it comes to dating Japanese men: Landing a guy who is serious about dating you, and understanding when he is serious, might be a bit harder to do. Claudia is a fellow German woman , but unlike me she met a Japanese guy in her younger days and got married already: I had not dated terribly much before.
There had been two relationships that lasted for a while — with a Japanese guy and with a Korean guy. We met through friends of friends. At the first meeting we exchanged mail addresses, met up a few times after that and at some point it just happened. Then, I had to leave the country simple reason: Thus, little annoyances turn into huge problems.
He also says that, as soon as Japanese women have babies, they turn into mothers , with not hint of the awesome wife you had before, destroying romance and attraction. Claudia mentions issues, but also continuous efforts in her relationship that are necessary because of cultural differences: As most Japanese people, he is hugely interested in food and works too much.
According to Claudia the biggest difference between dating a Western man and dating a Japanese one is: Fortunately he has gotten used to it, but he will not hold my hand in front of his parents unless I initiate it. Kissing is still extremely embarrassing for him, and so the physical part of the relationship happens at home.
At first, this sudden change in affection as soon as the door closed behind us was weird, but now I actually like it. Another difference she has found between Japanese and German Western men is the following: Oh, and Germany has a ridiculously good reputation in Japan.
At least not a lot. He does not expect me to keep the house extremely clean or to cook every day. Not only does my husband not make a fuss, he actually helps with the household when he has the time. Ask to meet their friends. Be yourself, but keep in mind that Japanese culture is different from your own culture.
Respect that, as far as you can without being untrue to yourself. Speaking Japanese also helps a big deal, especially as you will probably deal with the family of your boyfriend or spouse at some point. Last, but not least Vivian, a Canadian in her 30s, has a very positive opinion about cultural differences in a relationship: Being in Japan, I think that dating a Japanese man can open up a whole new world , seeing Japan from a Japanese perspective, and you can learn a lot about the country and culture.
Japanese men might seem shy at first, but ultimately they want the same thing. Vivian has an interesting advice for anybody who wants to date a Japanese man that nobody else mentioned so far: I believe you should never change your personality to please a man! I think we all gained very interesting insights thanks to these young women who were willing to share their unique stories and experiences with us.
I know there are a lot of young women out there who are either interested in dating Japanese men or who are already in a relationship. This post could only display the experience of a handful of people. Of course, guys are welcome to share their opinion and experience as well! This is really interesting! If the guy is so ashamed to tell his family that he is dating a gaijin, drop him. His small penis will not give you any pleasure anyway.
It is not like they are filthy rich like some of the Chinese people are, so their small wiener size cannot be made up with earning money since most Japanese men do not necessarily earn per hour what people do in the west. Are you aware that most Japanese men have experiences paying for sex? Unless you are comfortable dating men who have been with prostitutes, which is a deal breaker for most people, I would not touch these perverted men.
You will see that most Japanese women know how much of a pig Japanese men are being misogynistic and all prefer to date white men.
And it is very hard for you to distinguish a pervert from a non-pervert because Japanese are extremely subtle and they do not reveal what they did in the past in many cases.
Ask the Japanese female and they can tell you all. And the stupid media, this and that celebrities, cheat cheat cheat, everyday on the news. For a Japanese boy to introduce his girl friend to his mother is an indication to his parents that he is going to marry with her. Thanks for this blogpost! It gives me the strengh to fight for that relationship. Thanks to all that women who participated: A most interesting post! One thing they all point out: I think you have been too shy all along!
I know that very well. Western women are put on a pedestral sometimes, and Japanese men don't think they would ever have a chance. We flirted pretty heavily with each other, but he was the one to tell me up front that he liked me and wanted me to be his girlfriend.
He swept me off my feet!
Dating in Japan is not the same for foreign men and women. Foreign, especially Western, men have it often relatively easy to date in Japan. Dating in Japan is not the same for foreign men and women. So, is dating hard in Japan? Dating in Japan can be a bit harder, compared to a more socially open country, because Japanese people tend to be reserved and cautious with strangers. Every time I go to North America or Europe, I notice how easy it is to talk to random people. If it feels harder to date in Japan, maybe it really is. Read "There's Something I Want to Tell You: True Stories of Mixed Dating in Japan" by Yuta Aoki with Rakuten Kobo. Ever wondered what it's like to date Japanese .
Dyson Read "There's Something I Want to Tell You: True Stories of Mixed Dating in Japan" by Yuta Aoki with Rakuten Kobo. Ever wondered what it's like to date Japanese . All You Ever Wanted To Know About Dating Japanese Men. September 7, but hearing that this is just a quite natural issue for “mixed” couples.