Manhattanites and graphic designers Timothy Goodman and Jessica Walsh decided to find out — and the platonic friends embarked on the tenuous mission of dating each other for 40 days. The adventure was chronicled in a blog — and now a book — for all to see. The ground rules were simple: With these rules in place, the two launched 40 days of dating design-heavy blog, "40 Days of Dating," inhoping to "cure" one another of their dating bad habits. Now, a year and a half later, they have a book out under the same name, out Feb.
And no stone in their relationship is left unturned. Think of the bright orange book as a field guide to Millennial dating in New York City. Every text message, tweet, and scrap of dating ephemera like restaurant receipts, Magnolia bakery cartons and even a corporate condom, are methodically filed and documented in the day experiment. Beginning in MarchGoodman and Walsh dated, ate, drank and bickered across New York City, with their fights chronicled on iMessage and Facebook chats pasted in the book.
Even their couple's therapist weighs in on their social experiment, noting their relationship patterns "were largely related to their particular dating game online simulation histories.
To many fans' delight, the book picks up where the blog left off, after Day The couple — spoiler alert — doesn't end up together, though both Walsh and Goodman say there are no hard feelings, and they remain close. If all of this sounds like the script to some earnest indie Hollywood flick, you're not wrong. After their blog went viral, Goodman and Walsh were offered movie rights from Warner Brothers. But how did the idea come into fruition?
The two thought of the concept in after one of Walsh's relationships turned sour. Goodman said the value comes from capturing how two young, successful Millennials date in New York in the smartphone era.
Aficionados of the blog will be happy to hear that there are more than pages in the book detailing what happened after the day experiment ended, including friendship-ending fights, reconciliation and even an engagement ring for one of them. So, do these newly minted dating gurus have any advice for the other poor singles dating in New York? But for Walsh who, spoiler alert, got married to another guydating is difficult but not impossible. What would happen if Harry met Sally in the age of Tinder and Snapchat?
Difficult, 40 days of dating, but not impossible. See each other every day for 40 days. Go on at least 3 dates a week. See a couples' therapist once a week. Go on one weekend trip together.
Fill out daily questionnaire and document everything. Don't see, date, hook up or have sex with anyone else during these 40 days.
Did anything interesting happen? Before the date, Tim had a messenger deliver a cute note: Truthfully, I am quite nervous. However, I know that when an opportunity scares me, I must go for it.
No matter what the outcome, it will certainly be an interesting experience. Hopefully we can have some fun along the way, too. Did you learn anything new about Timothy? He told me that when his mother got pregnant, his father made her choose between keeping the child or staying with him. It seems to me his dating style could result from this.
He breaks off relationships before they get too serious to avoid the risk of abandonment. We all have our issues and cope with life differently. Did you learn anything new about yourself? I heart my dad! My parents married at a young age, and have a successful marriage. I think I have have some sort of guard up preventing myself from seeing Tim as anything more than a very close friend. As his relationship patterns are the opposite of mine, a part of me fears that if we were to really date, one of us might wind up getting hurt.
We also have a tight group of friends, and I think we are both afraid to compromise that. Is there anything that you want to do differently?
In my work and other aspects of life, I am uncomfortable with comfortable. But when it comes to relationships, I do seek secure relationships that are clearly defined. I know I should relax and open myself up to vulnerability, so I can learn to enjoy dating more in the future. Tim insisted on being a gentleman and paying for dinner, which was very sweet of him, but I want to get the next one.
We both teach Wednesday nights, so we went out to dinner after class to the Fat Raddish. Jessie brought me a little care package of stuff to jokingly get me through the next 40 days.
And she remembered that I like Clif Bars! Did you learn anything new about Jessica? We talked about our families more than we ever did before. Earlier in the day I sent a little note to Jessie by messenger. I wanted to honor our project together with something lighthearted. Well, she and I ended up talking about this Forty Days of Dating project the entire time. Not exactly what I was anticipating. She was very excited. She thinks Jessie and I are going to fall in love. She texted me later that night:.
We went to our first couples therapy session together. I go to therapy on my own, and have always enjoyed it. Life passes by so quickly, and I like having an hour a week to reflect in an attempt to learn and grow from it all. She asked us straight away if Tim and I were attracted to each other. After some awkward glances, we both admitted that we do find each other attractive. Tim immediately rattled out numerous reasons:. He loves the freedom of the single life. He sees it as a weakness that I love love.
I learned early on that money does not make me happy. There are actually statistics that show that salary increase only make people happier until basic needs of food and water are met.
Tim seems extremely overwhelmed by the idea of having to see me every day for this project. He almost had a panic attack when I sent him a list of date ideas for the next week! I do love to plan things and have a schedule. However, I also greatly enjoy spontaneity. So far so good. In therapy we talked about how I am extremely picky about who I date.
However, when I do decide I really like someone, I am quick to jump into a relationship in order to test it out and see how it goes. I become extremely invested in people and things that I care about, which can cause me to fall for someone quickly.
Tim thinks I should be more cautious…. Tim is right, I do love love. Apparently, the feeling of falling in love is wired in us to help the survival of our species. While sexual desire exists to make sure we pop out babies, the feelings of love exists to promote bonding and pairing between mates to increase the survival rate of the children.
Chemicals like dopamine and norepinephrine are released when in love. The chemicals increases energy, increases focus, and helps make us feel fucking awesome all the time. In fact, research shows brain activity in love is almost identical to our brain activity on cocaine. We went to our first therapy session together. I think it was a bit soon for this, but our therapist Jocelyn wanted to have a consultation first. Why are you doing this project?
What is the goal of this project? Do you want to date each other? Are you ready to be hurt? What happens if you screw up your friendship? And on and on and on! I almost had a panic attack. However, neither Jessie or I would have talked about this stuff so soon without having the therapist as a soundboard.
I think it was helpful. But I do save money, while I think she spends. I get uncomfortable talking about what could happen in the next 40 days. I was sort of freaking out after therapy. I was texting with one of my best friends, Greg in Chicago, and he told me to just have fun with it.
So, I want to make sure I just have fun with it. Are we afraid to go after what we really deserve? The play is about a bunch of college students going to parties, getting drunk, having sex, and their complicated interpersonal relationships. The characters are either opportunistic, self-serving, entitled, indulgent, or power-seeking.
I found the complicated dynamic of these different personalities to be an interesting twist on the usual character development. After the play, we wandered over to a bar nearby in the West Village for a drink. Tim told me about his last serious relationship with a girl he dated in San Francisco when he worked for Apple.
I feel like he broke her heart. Things were getting serious between them when she had to leave for business for a few months. The long distance scared him, and he broke off the relationship when she got back. He seemed to feel bad about it. One part of the play stirred up emotions from something that happened in my past. I was slightly shaken up after the play so I told Tim about it to explain why I was acting strangely.
I try not to look back too much and get caught up in the past, but sometimes it does unexpectedly creep back up on me. It was cute that Tim insisted on being a gentleman and walking me home after the play. I am a sucker for the common dating courtesies. Tim seemed slightly annoyed that I missed his text messages before the play.
I hate text messaging. My fingers get tired. The misunderstanding and the AutoCorrect drive me nuts. When I have a crazy day at work, I often forget to check my cell phone.
I know this drives certain people a little crazy. I guess I should look into an app that downloads texts to the computer. I just wanted to stay in and watch the Knicks game. However, Jessie and I have something planned on Sunday, so it was probably best to do a date tonight instead of Saturday night.
Directed by Michael Sucsy. A pair of friends with opposite dating habits agree to date each other for 40 days. So they agreed to date each other for 40 days, record their experiences in questionnaires, photographs, videos, texts, and artworks, 40 Days of Dating: 5/5(1). 40 Days of Dating has ratings and 48 reviews. Molly said: Stumbled upon accidentally, this book was a mistake that wormed it's way, happily, onto my 4/5.
Black 40 Days Of Dating's Jessica Walsh gives us a little taste of her fashionable single life. Directed by Michael Sucsy. A pair of friends with opposite dating habits agree to date each other for 40 days.