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Paddy is in love. There are times [when our relationship] has plummeted to the depths whereby we were both ready to give up. A flicker of joy and recognition. The person they knew and love is still there, somewhere deep down inside. Those moments are what the person longs for. Still, to Paddy, it is worth it.

But it is nowhere near as hard as being the one with BPD. My girlfriend is not a burden, her BPD is. For most, it may hold little that feels inspirational. Hearing someone else share your struggles and negotiate the realities of the illness can be both comforting and illuminating. Borderline Personality Disorder is a chronic and complex mental health disorder marked by instability, and interpersonal relationships are often the stage on which this instability plays out.

Barbara Greenberga clinical psychologist who treats patients with BPD, explains:. When they are in relationships they get very intensely involved way too quickly. But then what comes along with it, a couple of weeks later, is: Everything is done with passion, but it goes from being very happy and passionate to very disappointed and rageful. Prior to who is harley quinn dating diagnosis, her boyfriend, Thomas, used to blame himself for her hot and cold behavior.

Nobody cares about me as much as I care about them, so I always lose everyone I care about—despite the desperate things I try to do to stop them from leaving me. These thoughts may be completely at odds with your own perception of your partner, but it is imperative to understand that for them, they are very real, and can drive them toward extreme and seemingly irrational behavior.

Navigating through this emotional minefield can be difficult and painful for both of you, but knowing that their thoughts and behaviors are the product of intensely powerful perceptional distortions deeply rooted in their mental health disorder, rather than a reflection of your own shortcomings, can bring some comfort.

There are a lot of nuances, complexities, and lines to be read through with BPD, but mostly I see Borderline Personality Disorder as an illness about pain, fear, and struggling to cope with all of that. But the common conception is just [that they are] crazy, signs you re dating a borderline, which is an extraordinarily damaging misconception to those who suffer from it.

Unfortunately, the misconceptions surrounding Borderline Personality Disorder often lead people to assume relationships with those who suffer from the condition are doomed to fail. With the guidance of an experienced therapist who understands the unique challenges presented by BPD, you can create strategies for supporting your partner and yourself while nurturing and fortifying your relationship.

Because their emotion is all there, and acting that way is all they know, and then when you show them an easier way to be, and to act, they see how much easier life can be.

Bridges to Recovery offers comprehensive treatment for people living with Borderline Personality Disorder as well as co-occurring substance addiction russian dating site scams process addictions.


Picture yourself on shifting sands—the ground beneath your feet constantly changing and throwing you off balance, leaving you scared and defensive. For people with BPD, almost everything is unstable: But there is hope. There are effective BPD treatments and coping skills that can help you feel better and back in control of your thoughts, feelings, and actions. Your self-image, goals, and even your likes and dislikes may change frequently in ways that feel confusing and unclear.

People with BPD tend to be extremely sensitive. Some describe it as feeling like an exposed nerve ending. Small things can trigger intense reactions. And once upset, you have a hard time calming down.

You may say hurtful things or act out in dangerous or inappropriate ways that make you feel guilty and ashamed later on. In the past, many mental health professionals had trouble treating borderline personality disorder BPD , so they came to the mistaken conclusion that there was little to be done.

But we now know that BPD is treatable. In fact, the long-term prognosis for BPD is better than those for depression and bipolar disorder. However, it requires a specialized approach. Healing is a matter of breaking the dysfunctional patterns of thinking, feeling, and behaving that are causing you difficulty and distress.

Choosing to pause, reflect, and then act in new ways will feel unnatural and uncomfortable at first. If you identify with several of the statements, you may be suffering from borderline personality disorder. Of course, you need a mental health professional to make an official diagnosis as BPD can be easily confused with other issues.

But even without a diagnosis, you may find the self-help tips in this article helpful for calming your inner emotional storm and learning to control self-damaging impulses. Borderline personality disorder BPD manifests in many different ways, but for the purposes of diagnosis, mental health professionals group the symptoms into nine major categories. In order to be diagnosed with BPD, you must show signs of at least five of these symptoms.

Furthermore, these symptoms must be long-standing usually beginning in adolescence and pervasive across many areas of your life. Borderline personality disorder is rarely diagnosed on its own. Common co-occurring disorders include:. When BPD is successfully treated, the other disorders often get better, too. For example, you may successfully treat symptoms of depression and still struggle with BPD. Most mental health professionals believe that borderline personality disorder BPD is caused by a combination of inherited or internal biological factors and external environmental factors, such as traumatic experiences in childhood.

There are many complex things happening in the BPD brain, and researchers are still untangling what it all means. But in essence, if you have BPD, your brain is on high alert. Things feel more scary and stressful to you than they do to other people. After all, what can you do if your brain is different? But the truth is that you can change your brain. Every time you practice a new coping response or self-soothing technique you are creating new neural pathways. Some treatments, such as mindfulness meditation, can even grow your brain matter.

And the more you practice, the stronger and more automatic these pathways will become. With time and dedication, you can change the way you think, feel, and act. No one acts exactly the same all the time, but we do tend to interact and engage with the world in fairly consistent ways.

These are elements of personality. But a personality disorder is not a character judgment. Most importantly, these patterns can be changed!

Giving yourself permission to have these feelings can take away a lot of their power. Try to simply experience your feelings without judgment or criticism. Let go of the past and the future and focus exclusively on the present moment. Mindfulness techniques can be very effective in this regard. Engaging your sense is one of the quickest and easiest ways to quickly self-soothe. You will need to experiment to find out which sensory-based stimulation works best for you. Here are some ideas to get started:.

If you want to calm down, try something soothing such as hot tea or soup. Light a candle, smell the flowers, try aromatherapy, spritz your favorite perfume, or whip up something in the kitchen that smells good. You may find that you respond best to strong smells, such as citrus, spices, and incense.

Using Your Senses to Alleviate Stress. Focus on an image that captures your attention. This can be something in your immediate environment a great view, a beautiful flower arrangement, a favorite painting or photo or something in your imagination that you visualize. Try listening to loud music, ringing a buzzer, or blowing a whistle when you need a jolt.

To calm down, turn on soothing music or listen to the soothing sounds of nature, such as wind, birds, or the ocean. This is where the impulsivity of borderline personality disorder BPD comes in. They make you feel better, even if just for a brief moment. But the long-term costs are extremely high.

Regaining control of your behavior starts with learning to tolerate distress. The ability to tolerate distress will help you press pause when you have the urge to act out. Instead of reacting to difficult emotions with self-destructive behaviors, you will learn to ride them out while remaining in control of the experience.

It will also teach you how to move from being emotionally shut down to experiencing your emotions fully. This allows you to experience the full range of positive emotions such as joy, peace, and fulfillment that are also cut off when you attempt to avoid negative feelings. The following grounding exercise is a simple, quick way to put the brakes on impulsivity, calm down, and regain control.

It can make a big difference in just a few short minutes. Feel your feet on the floor. Feel your hands in your lap. Concentrate on your breathing , taking slow, deep breaths.

Pause for a count of three. Then slowly breathe out, once more pausing for a count of three. Continue to do this for several minutes.

All you need is something to capture your focus long enough for the destructive impulse to go away. Anything that draws your attention can work, but distraction is most effective when the activity is also soothing.

In addition to the sensory-based strategies mentioned previously, here are some things you might try:. Watch something on TV. Do something you enjoy that keeps you busy.

This could be anything: Throw yourself into work. You can also distract yourself with chores and errands: Vigorous exercise is a healthy way to get your adrenaline pumping and let off steam. Talking to someone you trust can be a quick and highly effective way to distract yourself, feel better, and gain some perspective. Recognizing your interpersonal blind spot is the first step.

When you stop blaming others, you can start taking steps to improve your relationships and your social skills. Instead of jumping to conclusions usually negative , consider alternative meaning and motivations.

Stop to consider alternative explanations. Maybe your partner is under pressure at work. There are many different possibilities. Ask the person to clarify their intentions. Double check what they meant by their words or actions. Instead of asking in an accusatory manner, try a softer approach: Do you have a tendency to take your negative feelings and project them on to other people? Does feedback or constructive criticism feel like a personal attack? If so, you may have a problem with projection.

Tune in to your emotions and the physical sensations in your body. Take note of signs of stress: Pause and take a few slow deep breaths. Then ask yourself the following three questions:. If the answer is yes, take a conversation break. Ask yourself what you are doing that may be contributing to problems.


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